Mediterranean 2011

Seize and Conquer... the taking of Hamilton

by Patrick C. Matthews on 06/02/11

"There's no thrill in easy sailing when the skies are clear and blue, there's no joy in merely doing things which any one can do. But there is some satisfaction that is mighty sweet to take, when you reach a destination that you never thought you'd make"

Author Unknown

Star date... the second day of June in the two thousand and eleventh year of our Lord Christ Jesus. The sea: one of our final frontiers. These are the voyages of the Motor Yacht INGOT. Its multiple year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

After three days at sea we spot the welcomed relief of LAND. I often imagine when traveling abroad, whether by auto, by plane, or by sea how those before us survived without all the gadgets, GPS's, I-Phones, stabilizers, air conditioners, who's whozits and whatnots. I give our forefathers noteworthy props! They didn't even have a real toilet, refrigeration, or satellite TV for Jiminy Cricket, a far cry from a stateroom aboard a luxury super yacht. And let's not forget THE PATCH. OM gosh... one of the greatest inventions EVER for those with wimpy stomachs such as myself. Nothing, which in times of duress does not seem to be an exaggeration, is worse than trying to cook as one balances his cutting boards, saute pans, and Patagonian Toothfish, all the while being pounded by swell after swell, wave after wave trying to keep focus on the next "amazing" dinner party when all he can really concentrate on is trying to avoid hurling his guts out. Sweet and a savory aromas that are angelic in nature become the tools of the sea demons be hurled around to and fro to add to the debacle trying to bring you to defeat. But, as a mighty warrior I shall rise up and vanquish the mischievous sprite back to the depths of the roaring seas.

With that said, for your history 101 snippets of the day, I sign in from Bermuda, a British territory in the North Atlantic, located off the east coast of the US. Bermuda was discovered in 1505 by Spanish navigator Juan de Bermudez, (who claimed to only find the island inhabited with pigs), after whom the islands are named, who claimed it for the Spanish Empire. Unoccupied, the island was settled by England in 1609, making it the oldest and most populous remaining British overseas territory. Its first capital, St. George's, was established in 1612 and is the oldest continuously inhabited English town in the Americas.

After cleaning the hull, getting showered and primped, as any good seaman should do... we headed out for a meek and mild night on the town. Though St. George's offered good vittles and a serene evening, we decided to hop on the local country mass transit system and head into the BIG CITY of Hamilton.

The night was young and the nightlife sparse creating an anxious atmosphere in the minds of those at sea for many a day far from civilization. We hopped from one club to another, and then back again trying to find the right blend to capture the canvas being painted inside our fearless leaders head, but efforts seemed to grow tiresome and lead to many a dead end.

Hours and several cocktails later we arrive at the Pickled Onion based off one of Hamilton's finest referral... little did we know that it was the local gay hangout... nothing against those that choose same sex lovin', but for a bunch of straight men it probably wasn't the best environment, as we soon came to realize. Shortly after ordering our adult beverages a patron started to harass our commander in chief with our engineer close by to over hear all the smack talk. I guess having grown up with always being the enforcer and body guard of many I found myself watching from a distance to see how things were going to play out. I leaned over to a friend of mine and told him to pay close attention and that things were going to get ugly FAST. As soon as his the words, nah... everything's cool dropped from his lips a scene from the Batman movie erupted with a BAM, POP, POW and the fisticuffs started flying. Mobs from everywhere poured out of the woodwork... seeing that we were very out numbered and not quite to locals favorite we decided or more so it was decided for us to be escorted out of that particular pub and then it was on to the next.

I'm not quite sure how to describe an emotion to the female species that burns in the heart of a man that has been in battle whether as a conqueror or as the conquered, but needless to say, testosterone is rampant and one feels invincible. There are lots of grunts, pounding of chests and woo-hoos as well as the false enlightenment that one is ready to take on the world.

Upon entering then next drinking hole of I decided to take a position of "scout" and nestled myself in the highest perch possible so that I could scope out most of the bar, trying my best not to leave a blind spot unturned. Not that I'm paranoid at heart, but my spidey senses were tingling and en route to the next saloon of choice I spotted one of our arch nemeses on his cell phone scurrying past us on the sidewalk and I suspected that he was calling for re-enforcements. Soon after our arrival the scene started to unfold with a group of gentlemen, the size of gorillas, show up in fatigues. Close on their tail were two of the three men who instigated our last altercation. At first it appeared that they wanted to kiss and make-up, but their fictitious sincerity soon unraveled and their true objective came to light as their posse continued to increase in size. As numbers mounted we were soon addressed by the bouncers who informed us that we were walking into an ambush and if we knew what was good for us we better skedaddle as quickly as we could. Partaking in as much excitement as I could possibly handle for one evening I rallied the troops and we took our little hineys out as quickly as we brought them in, hailed the nearest cab and shot out of town, dignity and ego still in tact. Next stop Madeira, Portugal.

Stay tuned for the next adventures of the Motor Yacht INGOT... join us on our madcap journey... same bat time... same bat channel.

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